Josh and Lillian
Adjusting to the NICU has been relatively easy thanks to the wonderful and supportive staff as well as our families. We are still learning the massive lexicon we need to easily navigate the next few months. Words like “peep” and “sat” take on new meanings. Alarms blare every minute or so; we are learning which ones mean something and which ones don’t. Almost 4 weeks in we feel like we have spent several lifetimes in the NICU. It makes it hard sometimes when we realize there are many more weeks to come.
Ashley and Lillian
I have to say that there are many things I was not expecting about this. I was hospitalized on Friday August 6th with contractions. I had suffered from a stomach bug the week before and was up all night with cramps. I thought it was the bug; I was very, very wrong. The head of the NICU came to sit with Josh and me and told us all the scary things that could happen: 23 weeks is a really bad time to have a baby. Josh and I knew this — we had read up on preemies as soon as we found out there was a chance Lillian might come early. I found out later that in the first weeks the Doctors and staff are as dire and serious as possible. The fact is most babies like Lillian have serious problems. They do not want to sugarcoat anything in order to prepare parents for the battle ahead. Josh and I clung to each other in that moment. It was impossibly hard to hear most of what Dr Mesfin had to say. My job was to get the steroids and the Doctor’s job was to hold off labor long enough for the steroids to take effect. We both did our jobs well.
The first few weeks in the NICU go by in a blur. There is so much to absorb. The first look at our tiny baby was magical. I was terrified. I did not want to fail her as a mom. I had heard how many moms were scared because their baby did not look like a full term baby and was covered with wires. Frankly, I did not notice the wires; I just saw the most beautiful girl I had seen in my whole life. Then there is the pumping, which they start you on immediately. I view this as my full-time job. It is uncomfortable, stressful and so very important to her well-being. When I am down at 1:00 AM as I pump by myself, I look at pictures of Lillian and feel better (if still very very tired). So, during the day, I sit by her bedside and pump and sit and pump. Josh works so I can sit by her bedside (something I will be eternally grateful for). He comes as soon as he can after work, and we sit by her bedside.
In the past week we have really noticed her responding to our voices and our touch. She will ‘sat’ high, which means she has no trouble oxygenating her body. This is preemie for ‘I am happy right now.’ She is happy on her tummy, when her mom sings to her, when her dad coos at her, and when we can touch her for a few brief minutes. She does not like getting her diaper changed, getting her temperature taken, any kind of shot, or being disturbed. She very much has a mind of her own.The team has told us their goal is to get Lillian home by her due date, Dec 2nd, and we hope this will be the case. It is hard to look that far down the road but we pray for that every night.
We never expected to be members of the Preemie Club but we are starting to realize that this is an honor. Parents such as Eric from RI and George from Norway have reached out to us. They have provided much solace and comfort. We are starting to think we might make it through this. We appreciate every prayer and good thought more than we can say. We love that people check in on our tough little cookie. We try to live each day with Lillian’s motto in mind: “small but mighty.”
The Denby Clan 